Had a chance to listen to Tattoo more.
I definitely think they abuse the word tattoo in the song, but there's a real sweet spot in the song from 2:20 to 3:05 that shows there's some old Van Halen left. Sounds like Dave's having trouble with the high notes finally. But this song really didn't need em'.

Who knows. Maybe they released something closer to a B-side so they'll have more momentum and airplay down the road.
Either way, I'm a bit more optimistic the album may not suck.